Crushed

Have you ever had a bone crushed? No? Well, I have. And let me tell you in case you doubted...it hurts. Like...a lot. Like I've had two babies and the pain of a crushed bone totally trumps having two babies.

I repeat: a crushed bone is more painful than childbirth.

So, how did I break this bone, you ask? A skiing accident? Car wreck? Putting myself in harm's way to save a small child from wandering out into traffic?

Nope. I was a senior in high school and a varsity cheerleader...and I fell off the top of a pyramid.

The ridiculousness of it is not lost on me.

The days and weeks that followed the accident were excruciating. My left foot broke in half vertically and the small block of bone that connects my foot to my leg was shattered into several pieces. I missed weeks of school, took strictly-managed Vicodin to ease pain, and attended three-times weekly physical therapy sessions. I had a cast up to my knee, but it couldn't go all the way around my leg because of the three pins that for 8 weeks stuck three inches out of my foot. The cast instead was held on by an Ace bandage.

But the most heartbreaking consequence of the break was when we told my surgeon where I'd be attending college in the fall: the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. I remember when he, very-matter-of-factly said, "Jennifer, I'm sorry but you can't go that far away. Your leg is still healing, still fragile. And I'll need you around for therapy."

But, I already had my dorm assignment. And a roommate. I was ready to sing "Rocky Top" and proudly wear that obnoxious shade of orange! Peyton Manning expected me to be there!

Bone crushed. Heart crushed, too.

Psalm 51:8 says, "Let the bones you have crushed rejoice."

In this Psalm David is experiencing some anguish of the soul. But David knows God. He knows this crushing of "bone," of spirit was momentarily painful, but ultimately for his spiritual good.

God was allowing David to experience hurt, so he could know greater things and live a better life.

That fall I began my college experience at a much smaller school than UT, a school only an hour away from my hometown - Western Carolina University.

That winter I met amazing friends. Friends who are still dear to me today.

That spring I laid eyes on the cutest boy I'd ever seen.

And four summers later I married him.

If not for my crushed bone:

I would not be his wife.

I would not be their mother.

I would not live this life.

I would not be this person.

We live through painful experiences both physical and emotional. But just like Joseph who experienced slavery, sexual harassment, and wrongful imprisonment we need to believe that God will mean all these things for good (Genesis 50:20).

A crushed bone. A crushed heart. A crushed spirit.

God loves you enough to give you momentary pain for eternal joy.

Almost twenty years after my injury there is still daily pain, still a slight limp, still more surgeries to be had in the future.

But that crushed bone paved the way for the greatest joys of my life.

So when I take that first stiff step in the morning or feel from the ache that it's about to rain or get "Is something wrong with your leg?" from a stranger I say, "Oh, that's just my crushed bone...and it's rejoicing."

Lord, may it be so.