What I Gave Up for Lent (And It's Not What You Think)

Jesus has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him...

Colossians 1:22

The beginning of a new school year was approaching and I had just been informed of the very challenging student whose name was on my roster. This kid's problems ran the physical and emotional and academic gamut and I was certainly not up to the task of fixing it. 

So I prayed. I walked to their desk and sat in their chair. And I prayed that God would heal it all.

By the year's end I would return to the same spot, and instead of prayers of supplication for this student's healing, I only offered prayers of thanks. Because God did it. 

God healed that child. 

Wide-eyed and in disbelief, I said aloud to the cement walls and florescent lights, "He did it." And then to God, You actually did this thing. That was BIG. An out-right miracle. Why did you do it?

And then came the answer, so simple and so clear:

Because you asked Me to, beloved.

Because I had asked Him to.

Why do I so easily forget that The God of Angel Armies is on my side? Why do I so easily forget His great love for me and His willingness to fight on my behalf?

It's because, even after all these years of this Jesus-Walk of mine, I still listen to the lies. The lies that make me feel less than and not good enough. The lies that Satan whispers in my ear:

You're not good enough for Him.

You don't do things well enough for Him.

You're not worthy to approach Him.

(Never doubt for a second I don't appreciate the irony of God's enemy saying such things about Him to me.)

I realize, even with all of my grace talk for others, I'm still trying to be good enough for God. I'm still striving for perfection and beating myself up for when (surprise!) I don't achieve it.

So with these thoughts in mind, I gave something up for Lent this year:

I'm giving up not being good enough. I'm giving up seeing God as Someone who is angry with me when I fail at perfection. 

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

Romans 8:31-34

Maybe you need this reminder, too. The reminder that your perfection isn't needed. That God isn't mad at you. That God has chosen you for His own. Romans 8:33 declares that no one can accuse us. In fact, it says who would dare accuse us? Do we realize this includes our own selves? 

I'm so tired of accusing myself before my Father. Because when I accuse myself I'm saying that I believe the blood price Jesus paid on the cross isn't good enough. 

Instead, when I approach His throne, I will stand on Colossians 1:22. I will remind myself that Jesus paid for my imperfections and that when I stand before my Father He sees me as holy and blameless. Holy and blameless, y'all. Not no-good and not-good-enough. To Him, cloaked in the righteousness of Jesus, I am worthy. 

We would do well to remember who we are, dear ones. We are the beloved daughters of God, who hears us and keeps us and adores us. Listen to me as I claim these truths over you:

Dear One, God is for you, not against you. He didn't spare His own Son's life for you, so He will not spare any other good thing when it comes to you. No one can accuse you before God because He has made you His own. You have right standing with Him. No one can condemn you. Because Jesus Christ died for you and was raised back to life for you. In this very moment He sits at God's right hand, a place of high honor, and speaks to God on your behalf. 

If that doesn't make you worthy, well, by golly, I don't know what does. 

This Lent, let's practice self-denial. Let's deny ourselves the the feelings of shame and guilt. And instead let's body approach our Father, like the holy and blameless children we are. 

Grace Jelly {An Evergreen Post}

My oldest son, for better or worse, is exactly like me. He is inquisitive, creative, and wholly excited to live life.

But, like his dear mother, he has a one-track mind, a tendency for the dramatics, and a decided opinion on the right way to do things.

We run joyfully through life, Wyatt and I, but sometimes we trip over obstacles in our way - those obstacles usually being our own two feet.

Tuesday was a tough day at the Smith house. Wyatt pulled a red card (RED!) in Kindergarten that day. Once he was home the behavior did not improve. Long story short, he was sent to bed early without his night time snack (a truly horrid punishment to any five year old).

At this point I, being his emotional doppelgänger, was HOT. Done. Yelling, angry, out of patience. My patience wasn't running on fumes - the tank was dry and the car of gentle, kind Mommy was five miles back down the road. I sat down on the couch replaying everything the child had done that day.

But...pitter patter. I heard his feet coming to the bedroom door. Creeeak - the door opens. And there, staring out at me from the darkened bedroom, are two big blue eyes. Just like mine.

My husband (always the voice of reason): "Jennifer, he's scared in there."

Begrudgingly, I walk down the hall. I hear his little feet running back to bed. (The same little feet that had tried to kick me a few minutes before.)

I walk to the bed and lay down, and there he is, weeping tears of repentance onto his pillow. "Mommy, I'm sorry I was bad today. I'm sorry."

I tell him I love him. That it's my job to make him a good person. I reassure him. And then I ask if he's hungry.

The silent nod - yes.

He humbly walks to the living room and sits on the carpet. I walk to the kitchen and fix toast. Dry toast.

He's been bad, right? I mean, I'll feed him, but he doesn't deserve his normal, frosted strawberry Pop-Tart.

"Mom, can I have some grape jelly?"

"No. This isn't a fun snack. This is just to fill your belly and then back to bed."

Another nod from my boy, accepting his punishment.

But then...my heart. My repentant child. Who, in earnest came to me. Admitting sin, accepting responsibility. Accepting his dry, tasteless toast.

I take his toast and walk back to the kitchen, open the refrigerator door, take out the jelly. And I slather it on.

And, in that moment, that jelly becomes something altogether different.

It became Grace Jelly.

Because, you know what? I too have been the weeping child, admitting guilt. Accepting the condemnation. But, my Father? He forgives freely, with joy, and offers me grace in abundance. I serve a God who walks my weeping, guilty self into the kitchen and offers me food.

And do I even need to ask?

He gives me toast, cut into triangles, no crust, and spread corner to corner with sweet, filling Grace Jelly.

Hosea chapters 5 and 6 tell us that when we come to the Lord in earnest repentance He will "heal us (6:1)."  As big as my sin is, His grace is still bigger (Romans 5:20).

My Father is the best and most perfect example of parenting. What is good for Him is most certainly right for me.

So my sweet son ate his toast and grape jelly.

Because, his mommy, who he is so much like, has been given Grace Jelly many, many times before.

And I will certainly eat it again.

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

~Julia H. Johnston

God Still Loves Me, Even if I Eat Nachos. {A True Story.}

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect.

And the last time I checked I was a human being and incapable of perfection.

So why do I still expect so much from myself? I'm going to fail, going to falter. Then, when perfection isn't obtained, the guilt quickly takes up the space I'd reserved for all of my perfect deeds.

In recent weeks I've decided to dedicate some things to God. This includes a certain time of prayer and fasting.

But yesterday.

It just didn't happen.

I was tired. I was, yes I'll say it, hormonal. I wasn't feeling prayer or fasting. I was weak in mind and weak in body.

And there was no follow-through of the spiritual goals I'd set for the day. I ate graham crackers, cookies, several pieces of chocolate.

Nachos.

I ate nachos.

My day of perfectly diligent spirituality did not go as planned.

And, you know what? That's okay.

My six year old son came into my classroom at the end of the school day. We sat at my reading table and pulled out his homework. As he unscrambled spelling words and completed a place value worksheet my momma-eyes soaked him in. His sweet face that looks so much like his daddy, but with my blue eyes. His awesome curly blonde hair that automatically makes him the coolest person in any room. I was awash in love. I pulled him close and kissed him. Hugged him. Told him how special he was.

That's how I look at you, beloved.

And my imperfect heart with imperfect intentions was struck.

I am loved just as I am. On my good days, on my bad days, on my faithful days, on  my failure days.

I am loved.

You are loved.

There is nothing in this world or out of this world that can separate us from God's love. Read Romans 8:31-39 with me:

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.

We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

We have been embraced by perfect love and thereby set free from any pressure we may put on ourselves. Because those things that can't separate us from God? That includes us. Sometimes we're our own worst enemy, thinking we're falling short and feeling guilty for it.

Friends, we do fall short. We all fall short every day. Romans 3:23 tells us all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. Perfection isn't ours. Perfection belongs to our precious Jesus who loves us with such abandon that He abandoned everything to claim us. Romans 3 goes on to say that even though we fall short we are still justified freely by the grace of Christ Jesus.

So strive for goodness, yes. Do the tasks that God has commanded, yes. Carry your cross, yes. But on those days where you didn't quite hit the mark and you ate the nachos, know that you are loved still.

Perfectly imperfect you. Perfectly loved by perfect grace.

Life and Peace? Yes, please.

Quick! It's a quiz. Give me two words to describe the activity in your brain.

Organized? Stressed? Full (or empty...)? Worried? Distracted?

Fill in your answers. My mind is ____________ and ____________. (For those of you who have tired or confused minds, please do not write directly on your screen.)

My own brain is busy and thinks a lot more highly of itself than it should.

But God is so good and faithful to forgive and in His mercy still deigns to communicate with me. He shared the following verse with me four times within 36 hours. I'm thinking in my busy brain that He wants me to stop and listen.

Will you listen with me?

The mind set on the Spirit

is life and peace.

Romans 8:6

(Did any of us fill in our blanks with these descriptions?) 

So friends, I tried. I spent a whole hour focusing on life and peace. Life - joy that I have been freed from my death in sin. And peace - that all is well because of my Jesus.

For the first few minutes I was doing great. Man, I am so happy in joy and peace! Yay! Jesus! Who hoo! I'm joyful! I'm so peaceful!

But then, like, real life started happening. Stressful things started happening at work while I was focusing on being peaceful. My children wanted stuff from me like food and clean clothes while I was reading my Bible. My husband dared to not eat the dinner I had joyfully prepared because he was tired. 

GEEZ! Didn't people know we were LIVING IN JOYFUL LIFE AND PEACE?!

Something tells me I'm doing this wrong, Lord. My day is most definitely not full of life and peace. 

And then came the light bulb moment. 

Child, I didn't tell your mind to focus on life and peace. I told your mind to focus on My Spirit. 

See, I'm not in charge of supplying my mind with life and peace. The Spirit is. "The Spirit gives life," says John 6:63.

This isn't about training my brain to think about rainbows and zen and fuzzy bunnies. This is about training my brain to turn in prayer and thought, in both big and small moments, to Him.

We, as believers, do not embrace the power of the Holy Spirit. This awesome and otherworldly gift that has been given to us. This very Spirit, yes even the one that lives in you: 

put Jesus in Mary's womb (Matthew 1:8), cast out demons (Matthew 12:28), came down like a dove and sat with Jesus after His baptism (Mark 1:10), filled a pregnant Elizabeth with joy (Luke 1:41), lit atop the disciples' heads at Pentecost (Acts 2:3).

The Spirit whom Jesus left with you (John 14:25). The same Spirit who enabled Him to fulfill the prophecies concerning Him in Isaiah: 

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.

Yeah, all those prisoners and oppressed people? That's us.

Friends, this is the greatest gift your Savior could have left you. His very presence, his wisdom, his love, his guidance goes with you.

Because when we set our minds on this Spirit at work within us the adjectives in our fill-in-the-blanks change drastically. 

Busy becomes strong.

Tired becomes diligent.

Stressed becomes confident.

Anger becomes grace.

Death and worry become life and peace.

You cannot put life and peace into your own brain. That's like putting vision into your own eyes. Just like sight, life and peace are gifts from above. 

Claim your gift today, friends. Turn your minds to Him. Turn away from what this world tells you you're supposed to be and turn to what heaven and its angels know is rightfully yours. 

Go now, friend. Set your mind on Him.

Holy Spirit, you are welcome here with me. 

Higher Ways

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being the only girl in my house. Two sons and their Daddy.

One Mommy.

Dusty says this makes me the princess. (Why do I feel this is said with a large measure of sarcasm?)

Sarcasm or not, there is something royal-like about being the only female presence in the family. I have a different perspective, different ideas. And, so sweetly, all three of my boys from the grown up Daddy to the two-year-old son appreciate and even revere my femininity.

Maybe I am the princess after all.

But Mommy is certainly not sovereign. Sovereignty means to have supreme power and authority. This is not the way things work at my house. We definitely seek to have a supreme leader over our household, but it's not me or even my husband, who is, in all ways a kind and fair head of our family:  I hope we live with God alone as our Sovereign.

With sovereignty comes a hefty responsibility. If you are the sovereign leader over a people you are responsible for every area of welfare in their lives. In short: the buck stops with the sovereign.

And God, my Sovereign, is okay with that. He's okay with being the source and supply of our every need. He, as King, will never fail you, as subject.

Life can be hard. Bad news, bad feelings, bad days, bad disease, bad loss, bad times, bad luck. Your Sovereign is not King over a fairy-tale earth.

But, your Sovereign, through all the bad, has made you, His subject, good promises:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good 

of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. 

Romans 8:28

From His lofty throne, high above our simple peasant land our King sees all and knows all. Therefore, I can put my complete trust in Him, lay down my will for His and live in beautiful, quiet submission to a God who knows much greater things than I do.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways

My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher

than the earth, so are My ways higher

than your ways and My thoughts higher than yours."

Isaiah 55:8-9

Heaven is higher. Literally and figuratively. 

God is not sovereign for tyranny's sake. Not sovereign for greed's sake. Not sovereign for injustice's sake. God is sovereign for love's sake.

Charles Spurgeon said, "When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head."

I concede to my Sovereign who sees what is best for me and gives me this best freely, even if it looks differently than I think it should. 

I trust in my King who takes my bad and turns it into my good.

I believe in my Prince who does not shout chants of war over my life, but calms with whispers of peace. 

He sees all from His heavenly throne. He sees me. And because my faith is well placed I will quiet my spirit and find rest in submission. Submission to my Sovereign will lead to complete peace in my life even when things, by earthly standards, should be far from peaceful. 

Far be it from me to not believe

Even when my eyes can't see

~Bethel Music, "It is Well"

Lord, may it be so.

Grace Jelly

My oldest son, for better or worse, is exactly like me. He is inquisitive, creative, and wholly excited to live life.

But, like his dear mother, he has a one-track mind, a tendency for the dramatics, and a decided opinion on the right way to do things.

We run joyfully through life, Wyatt and I, but sometimes we trip over obstacles in our way - those obstacles usually being our own two feet.

Tuesday was a tough day at the Smith house. Wyatt pulled a red card (RED!) in Kindergarten that day. Once he was home the behavior did not improve. Long story short, he was sent to bed early without his night time snack (a truly horrid punishment to any five year old).

At this point I, being his emotional doppelgänger, was HOT. Done. Yelling, angry, out of patience. My patience wasn't running on fumes - the tank was dry and the car of gentle, kind Mommy was five miles back down the road. I sat down on the couch replaying everything the child had done that day.

But...pitter patter. I heard his feet coming to the bedroom door. Creeeak - the door opens. And there, staring out at me from the darkened bedroom, are two big blue eyes. Just like mine.

My husband (always the voice of reason): "Jennifer, he's scared in there."

Begrudgingly, I walk down the hall. I hear his little feet running back to bed. (The same little feet that had tried to kick me a few minutes before.)

I walk to the bed and lay down, and there he is, weeping tears of repentance onto his pillow. "Mommy, I'm sorry I was bad today. I'm sorry."

I tell him I love him. That it's my job to make him a good person. I reassure him. And then I ask if he's hungry.

The silent nod - yes.

He humbly walks to the living room and sits on the carpet. I walk to the kitchen and fix toast. Dry toast.

He's been bad, right? I mean, I'll feed him, but he doesn't deserve his normal, frosted strawberry Pop-Tart.

"Mom, can I have some grape jelly?"

"No. This isn't a fun snack. This is just to fill your belly and then back to bed."

Another nod from my boy, accepting his punishment.

But then...my heart. My repentant child. Who, in earnest came to me. Admitting sin, accepting responsibility. Accepting his dry, tasteless toast.

I take his toast and walk back to the kitchen, open the refrigerator door, take out the jelly. And I slather it on.

And, in that moment, that jelly becomes something altogether different.

It became Grace Jelly.

Because, you know what? I too have been the weeping child, admitting guilt. Accepting the condemnation. But, my Father? He forgives freely, with joy, and offers me grace in abundance. I serve a God who walks my weeping, guilty self into the kitchen and offers me food.

And do I even need to ask?

He gives me toast, cut into triangles, no crust, and spread corner to corner with sweet, filling Grace Jelly.

Hosea chapters 5 and 6 tell us that when we come to the Lord in earnest repentance He will "heal us (6:1)."  As big as my sin is, His grace is still bigger (Romans 5:20).

My Father is the best and most perfect example of parenting. What is good for Him is most certainly right for me.

So my sweet son ate his toast and grape jelly.

Because, his mommy, who he is so much like, has been given Grace Jelly many, many times before.

And I will certainly eat it again.

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within

Grace, grace, God's grace

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

~Julia H. Johnston

The One Who Loves You More

To be perfectly honest, I'm a take-it or leave-it kind of gal when it comes to Valentine's Day.  Now I certainly love celebrating love, but I am not a big fan of hype.  And Valentine's Day never quite lives up to what is anticipated as things with much hype tend to do.  (I'm serious.  Think about this past New Year's Eve.  Expectation:  glitter, champagne, fancy clothes.  Reality:  Cheetos, Ryan Seacrest, and your footie pajamas.  Bed by 9:30.)

While I may not put much stock in Valentine's Day, I do put much value in being loved.  Don't you feel it in your chest, in that space above your heart? The desire to be loved?  Not just respected or admired (although these things are of the utmost importance, too), but to be loved?

I'm not just talking about romantic love.  Love comes in many forms - from parents, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, children, and spouses.  When you feel someone love you with pure, unapologetic abandon - this is a beautiful thing that answers a need in your soul.

There's a reason love makes us feel so good.  Genesis 2:18 tells us that God made Eve for Adam because it "wasn't good for man to be alone."  Jesus commanded us in John 15:12 that we are to "love one another" as He loved us. And, my goodness, let's not forget I John 4:8:  "God is love."  Simple - you feel love, you feel God Himself.

The love humankind has for each other is God come down to dwell with us, in us.  My dear grandmother, who will be 97 this month, lives the most authentic relationship with Jesus I have ever seen or may ever see in my life.  A few years ago she dreamed she was in heaven.  While there in her dream she said, "I felt love flowing through my veins."

Love, my friends, is the language of heaven.

And God speaks this language to us now every time our heart thumps with emotion at those He has sweetly placed in our lives.  This is something to be treasured.  But if we think this serves as our fill of love we are sorely mistaken and missing another, more valuable treasure.

My mother tells a story of the day my second son was born.  She still had not arrived at the hospital when I was being wheeled into the OR for a c-section. She recalls crying in the car and whispering to God, "But she's my baby.  I should be there.  I'm her mother."

Jesus tenderly whispered back, "But I'm her Savior.  I love her more."

I think of my husband.  He woke up three times with our crying two-year-old last night.  Why?  Because he wanted me to be able to sleep.  That's love.

But there is One who loves more.

Can you picture your mother?  She packed your lunches and probably still calls you every day.  She prayed over you with tears during your most trying times. That's love.

But there is One who loves more.

How about your dad?  My father-in-law once drove an hour and fifteen minutes to help my sister-in-law hang a shower curtain rod in her new apartment. That's love.

But there is One who loves more.

Think about your dearest friends.  My friend Jennifer will ask me if I need help for an upcoming event before I can even think to ask.  That's love.

But there is One who loves more.

And what about our precious children?  Whether they share our last name or are only ours during school hours or Sunday school time.  A hug from a peanut butter and jelly covered five-year-old?  That's love.

But there is One who loves more.

These precious people God has placed in our lives are just the ultimate, aren't they?  Joy-inducing, heart-bursting, honest-to-goodness gifts.

But none of them left a heavenly throne, suffered at the hands of evil, and overcame death for you.

See, Jesus loves you more.

Revelation 19:11 tells us the story of "the Rider on the white horse."  He is dressed in white and leads the armies of heaven.  He comes to earth to vanquish evil and wipe away the tears of His people.  He is called King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Maybe you've been fortunate enough to receive the love of spouses, mothers, fathers, friends, and children.  Praise God for those blessings!

But maybe you've been hurt by lack of love.  Suffered the loss of a mother or a child.  Never knew your father.  Were betrayed by your best friend.

Friend, if that latter category is familiar, boy do I have good news.

You see, that Rider on the white horse?  Our precious Jesus?  Revelation also gives Him another name:

I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, 

whose rider is called Faithful and True.     

(emphasis mine)

And there He is, the One who loves you most.  And He is not confined to things we humans are:  to death, abandonment, loneliness, loss, betrayal.  Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38).  Nothing.  Because His love is limitless and carries no trace of human weakness.  His law?  It's pure love (2 John 1:6).  

In His perfection He has committed Himself to you.  He has named Himself for you - "Faithful and True to (insert-your-name-here)".  

And your name?  My friend, it's engraved on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16).  

So let's celebrate the people whom God has placed in our lives.  Let's love them and appreciate them.  But in a place of honor, held high in our hearts, let's celebrate Jesus. 

Because He loves you more.

Oh, Faithful and True:

Let us remember that Your love is Perfect.  Let us remember that You will never leave us nor forsake us.  Why?  Because it is against Your very nature.  It is impossible for You to let go of what You have claimed.  Let us return Your love in the best ways we can:  by recognizing it and showing obedience to Your Law.  The Law that just happens to be love, too.

Lord, may it be so.