I'm not sure what your story is. Your Father Story. Did he leave when you were a baby? Or when you were a teenager? Is he sometimes there when it's convenient for him? Or has he just never been there? Did he walk you down the aisle? Or did someone else stand in his stead? Did he make some rotten, no-good mistakes that shook your world to the core? And you've found forgiveness, but the connection is just gone?
As I type these words, I weep with you and the dad-shaped hole he has left. Because I won't tell you a lie. Daddies are important. Research shows that fathers who are present in their children's lives create adults who are empathetic and more joyful.
We are our best selves when loved by a dad who gives his best.
But there are some who just don't get the gift of a good dad. And guess what?
It's not your fault.
I have several dear friends who have Rock Star Status Fathers. And, in their adult lives, you see the fruits of love-seeds their dads sowed in their lives: security, joy, self-assuredness.
I also have several dear friends who feel an intense lack of belonging on Father's Day. Their day left to wonder what could have been, what should have been if their fathers had done their job.
Dear friend, your dad had a job to do. Given to him by a holy and good Creator. And that job was to love you, shelter you, and lead you to Jesus. If your dad failed at these things I am sorry. And I have three truths to tell you today:
Forgive him.
Find a better Father.
And embrace Him.
See, fathers are humans. And just like us they are made of flesh. And that flesh comes with baggage. Things like their own upbringing, bad experiences and bad choices, holes of sin they cannot climb out of. We need to find a place in our grown-up hearts to forgive the wrong they've done us and to move on to better things.
Better things like a better Father.
Listen to Psalm 68:
Sing to God, sing praises to his name;
lift up a song to him who rides through
the deserts;
his name is the LORD;
exult before him!
Father of the fatherless and protector of
widows
is God in his holy habitation.
Let go of the things your earthly father can't be, or won't be. And cling to the things your heavenly Father can be and will be and ALREADY IS.
Our Father God comes and finds us in solitary, deserted, lonely places. He will love you with the intense love that only a Perfect Father can muster.
This perfect Father is also the Father of your earthly Dad. Let this perfect love that is completely yours transform your heart. Let go of the anger, the hurt, the emptiness, the loneliness, the trying-to-fill-the-dad-shaped-hole-with-whatever-thing-that-seems-to-work.
Use your heavenly Father's love to overcome to lack of your earthly father. Use your heavenly Father's love to forgive your earthly father. Use your heavenly Father's love to move on and reclaim your Daddy happiness.
I don't know why God chose you to walk this fatherless path. But I do know if God chose it for you, then it is good. Instead of clinging to a vision of what you missed, cling to the firm knowledge of what you have: shelter, security, and love from the One who will never hurt you or leave you.
It's funny, but somehow I think the fatherless are actually the fortunate. You see, it's you alone who understand the importance of a father and you alone who find all you need from our Heavenly Father. You know the completeness of being filled by Him above and no other. His love alone is perfect. No father, even a present one, can accomplish this.
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above," says James 1:17, "coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."
This Father's Day, rejoice and celebrate. Be free and be full. Because you clearly have a Father. And beloved, He is the very best Daddy you could ever have.
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