by Jamie Gunter
First, forgive me- things are about to get a little heavy here. If you don’t mind, I’m pretending you, precious reader, are taking my hand and trekking through the muck with me…
There is an ache that many of us have endured that perhaps we didn’t even know how to name. I would argue that all of us have gone through a season where we’ve suffered from this pain- I would name this affliction the longing to BE KNOWN. It’s sneaky, selfish, and life altering. We desire for others to see us, hear us, love us, want us, and to truly know us. We want friends with inside jokes, spouses who finish our sentences, and pets that do everything we tell them.
But, sometimes we don’t have them. We are in despair because we are alone. And what is being alone? It is not being known. Being forgotten.
Ok friend- here is where I tell you the good news…. Just kidding, not yet. But it’s coming.
My story with Psalm 139: (and how it relates to loneliness…)
I lost my first baby boy when he was five days old. We knew we would lose him for my entire pregnancy. This was the saddest, most desperate, anguishing season of my life thus far. And I was lonely. People were swarming around us doing everything they possibly could after he died but there is a loneliness in the death of a child. You feel thrown into a pit of despair with your misery shoveled on top, suffocating you.
But, God. He was there too. (Here’s the hopeful part…) It was the most excruciating time, but never have I felt God so tangibly by my side. He refused to leave me. In the time I desperately needed someone to know me, my grief, my pain, my constant heart’s cry- He reminded me. “I know you.” He witnessed the death of His Son. He knew my pain, my misery, my anguish.
To the 139th Psalm I went, clinging to God’s promise to always be with me. I turned there to be reminded of the ways God treasures me, but found so much more. Not only does God fully know me but- get ready for it- He knows ALL THINGS. Not only that, but He taught me that this Psalm wasn’t really so much about me after all- it’s about Him. Any goodness in me reflects the One who is GOOD. It is about God being giving, loving, powerful, and wise. What mercy and grace is displayed in His knowing His children in such an intimate way. I am so grateful. Called the “Crown of the Psalms,” David’s beautiful song is a reminder of God’s omniscience (He knows everything), omnipresence (He is everywhere), and omnipotence (He can do anything).
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
The above verses tell us that God is all-knowing- He knows every thought, action, and emotion we have had and will have. He has “hemmed us in, behind and before” meaning He knows our beginning, our end, and hold us in His hand in the here and now. A picture of His love for His children.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
God is everywhere. When David writes if I “ascend to heaven” he means God is there if we go up. “Make my bed in sheol” would be the grave, which is down. If I take the wings of the morning” would be where the sun rises, in the east and “dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea” would be west, the direction the sea would have been for David as he is writing in Israel. God’s hand does not leave you no matter, He holds you in the strength of His right hand.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
This. This is soul stirring for me- as humans we will have the darkness of misery cover us, the grief of losing those we love- painful, excruciating circumstances but though we are blinded momentarily by our suffering, God is our light. He can do absolutely anything. What seems to be dark is actually covered in the brilliance of God’s light because He spoke it into being for His glory, to fit into His perfect plan. And if it is not good to us, it is still good because God is infinitely good.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
God has written our story from our conception to our death and knows what lies on every page throughout the life we live. There is the picture of God’s greatness, His holiness and sovereignty here. His works are great, nothing is hidden from Him, and His eyes see us- all of us, every thought, action, good and bad from the beginning. And He still sent His son to die for us.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
God’s knowledge, wisdom, his thoughts are too vast for us to understand
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
An emotional cry from David that comes, I believe, from his devotion to God. A plea that God would crush His enemies and a promise of devotion. David hates what God hates and desires to love what God loves. (Idea partly taken from John Calvin’s Commentary)
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
A prayer:
God we pray You search our hearts and wipe away any evil, any sin, any thought, action, or emotion unpleasing to You. May we reflect Your love, Your grace, Your truth, Your holiness. May we be a light and a city on a hill.
Friend, when you feel alone, when something happens in your life that throws you and the winds of change blow, remember you are not alone, friend. You are fully and intimately known by the God of the Universe. Not only is He a good God, a holy God, a loving God, but He is GOODNESS, He is HOLINESS, He is LOVE. This is the One who will never leave you. We are in the best of hands.
For a beautiful version of Psalm 139 by MercyMe:
And congratulations, Jenny Shank! You won our subscriber contest from last week!
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