Instrument

by Heidi Ashe

I did a Bible study this summer called Finally Free by Kara Osborne and while I learned a lot, one thought has stuck with me since late July, one word really—INSTRUMENT.  The lesson was asking the question: are you taking care of yourself, your health, and treating your body like an ornament (something to be looked upon and admired) or are you taking care of yourself so that God can use you, so you can be an instrument for Him?  Woah.

Last fall I spent the better part of two weeks barely able to stand after sitting too long in a student chair.  That’s all it took.  A two hour workshop in a small chair and I was literally unable to stand or even sit the next day.  (My husband carried me to the bathroom for Pete’s sake!) After a trip to the doctor in our homemade ambulance (hello, twin mattress shoved into the back of my car, hashtag my husband is amazing), a couple of rounds of steroids, a meeting with a surgeon, and a slightly scary shot eerily close to my spine (which, for the record, did NOTHING)…it was decided that physical therapy was the best option.  For two months I spent 2-3 afternoons a week in a room lined with windows working on my core strength and working to overcome the pain surging down my right leg. Our first goal was to make my pain manageable, then work to eliminate it, and lastly to work to build up my strength so that this wouldn’t happen again. 

Of course this all happened in the midst of a very busy season. (Is there any other kind?) As hard as it was for me, I had to miss some stuff.  I missed ballgames, family dinners at the table, and riding in a parade with my girls (eh, maybe I didn’t miss that December parade with the blowing snow so much), just to name a few.  All of that missing, hurt me almost as bad as the physical pain.

It was in that time of lying literally flat on my back, missing all of the things, when I realized that something had to change.  As He often does, God gave me a song to sing during that season. An old hymn that resonated with my soul. 

Consider the lilies, they don't toil nor spin

But there's not a king with more splendor than them

Consider the sparrows, they don't plant nor sow

But they're fed by the Master

Who watches them grow

We have a heavenly Father above

With eyes full of mercy

And a heart full of love

He really cares when your head is bowed low

Consider the lilies and then you will know

My head was bowed low, friends. I was shaken.  I knew God had me.  I didn’t doubt that.  I just began to wonder what my future was going to look like.  Would I be able to sit through baseball games to watch my favorite #8?  Would I be able to lug my girls’ Dream Duffle to future dance recitals?  Would I be able to be at their graduations?  Their weddings?  The births of their children?  (I tend to spiral quickly!)

In a moment of desperation, flipping through the pages of my Bible, I found the passage that this song was taken from in Matthew 6.

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 

26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 

27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 

28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 

29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 

31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 

32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.   

(Emphasis mine.)

So when my fitness coach asked the question, are you using your body as an INSTRUMENT or an ORNAMENT?  I knew my answer immediately.  On a warm October day last year, I made a decision to be an instrument.  It was no longer enough to exercise just so my pants would fit and to keep my chocolate habit in check.  I had to get stronger.  I knew God would take care of me, but I knew to live out who He called me to be, I had to start taking better care of myself. 

I am unable to be the instrument the Lord created me to be flat on my back.  So as soon as I was released to exercise, I began. Slowly at first but with purpose.  A new determination.  It became my “get to” more than my “have to”.  It became more than a check on my to do list.  And slowly but surely it’s become a form of worship for me.  A time for me to talk to God, for me to pour out all I have to Him.  A time to thank Him for legs that can move and a back that can hold me up. It doesn’t always look the same and I’m not always excited about it, but it is always worth it. 

I challenge you to ask yourself that question, honestly. Are you taking care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally) so that you can be an instrument for the Lord? If your answer is no, ask Him for help.  He is faithful to help.  He’s given you a purpose and He longs to see you live it out.  To Him be the glory.