Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Paper

by Heidi Ashe

I’m hearing it a lot lately. 

Keep your eyes on your own paper. 
I’m a teacher so I’ve said it a million times over the past 16 years. 
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
But lately it’s coming to me in a different context.
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
Looking at that mom on Instagram who’s homeschooling and prepares a made from scratch organic meal three times a day and would never let a chemical come near her babies.
Keep your eyes on your own paper. 
She’s living her dream, you live yours.
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
Hearing that the girl down the hall got the promotion that you weren’t even sure you wanted.
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
God’s got a plan for you just as He does for her.
Keep your eyes on your own paper.

Why is it so hard sometimes? 
Why am I so concerned with what’s being written on everyone else’s pages?

When I step back and take a breath, I’m more able to see the blessings on my page. 

On a driveway walk two years ago, I quit the master’s program that I hadn’t actually started.  I had received my first syllabus that explained that there would be a lot more face to face online time than I had anticipated.  I was about to enter my fifteenth year of full-time teaching with a sixth grader, fourth grader, and kindergartner in my house.  My middle schooler had big sports plans, my fourth grader was adding another dance class to her repertoire, and hello, kindergartner, need I say more?  As I walked and prayed and tried my best to just breathe, I heard the Lord saying, “You aren’t going to want to miss this.”  It wasn’t an audible voice.  More like a knowing in my soul that this is what He had for me in this season, and it was good.  No it wouldn’t mean advancing my career.  But it would mean more family dinners, more game nights and more dance parties.  The career could wait.

A year and a half later and the girl that I was going to work through the program with is finishing up her degree.  I could not be happier for her.  And I couldn’t be more relieved for myself.  If ever there was a time that I am thanking the Lord for His wisdom, it is now.  I won’t be getting that pay raise.  I won’t be advancing myself professionally. But I’m right where I’m supposed to be. The time I’ve had these past 18 months with my husband and my kids, it’s not measured in degrees or dollar signs and I’m perfectly content with that. 

The thought occurred to me today though that that could be me.  I could be buying a cap and gown, preparing to walk across the stage in a ceremony that would surely make my dad proud.  But just as quickly as it came, I heard it again, keep your eyes on your own paper. 

God’s plan may not be exactly what you thought it was going to be.  But I promise it’ll be better.  How do I know?  Because Paul said in Ephesians that “He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” and I’m holding on to that.