I have dropped all the balls. In a former life I was an amazing juggler. I could juggle kids and marriage and career and art studio and church and bible study. It wasn’t without effort and I was exhausted, but I did it and I did it well.
I was very impressed with myself.
And then came Baby Three.
He is VERY cute. But he is very tough. He is one of those You-cannot-ever-put-me-down babies. He must be continuously held or he will erupt into screams. We regularly attend to dinner or laundry or clean up duty to the sweet sounds of Baby James
I juggled the balls well before, but now they are all over the floor. And I find them in random places. Like under the couch. And in the refrigerator. I think I saw the dog chewing on one just the other day.
I once read about a woman who read Anna Karenina while breastfeeding late at night.
I am not this woman.
I bottle feed Baby 3 while watching Hart of Dixie reruns on my phone.
Needless to say the part of myself devoted to Bible study and to time with Jesus is nowhere to be found. I am not far from my Savior, but I am definitely far from quality time spent in His word.
I know I am not alone. One of my sweet co-workers who also has a new baby approached me a few weeks ago and asked me about my time in the Word. Where did I find time? What did that look like?
I learned a long time ago, transparency is the only way to truly learn from and lean on each other.
So I looked at her...and laughed. And then I shot an arrow-prayer up to heaven for Jesus to help us.
After I laughed the words came out confused and jumbled, but they came out:
“Wasn’t there a widow who gave her last bit of oil or pennies or doves? She gave the very last bit of what she had and Jesus said it was precious to Him.”
My brain that used to be so quick and is now a muddled mess was trying to recall this from Mark 12:
41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42 But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.
43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”
Jesus taught me and my sweet friend in that moment: Give me what you have, little momma. I know you’re tired. I see you in the night during the feedings. I see you during the days calming the tantrums, checking the homework, sorting the laundry.
I see you in your sheer exhaustion.
I know you don’t have much to give me. But what you do give me is sweet and is worth much.
Please don’t falter and tell yourself: if I can’t come to God today with a full hour of study time and with my study bible and my devotional and my commentary, well, I might as well not come.
Nope, come anyway. Bring your two copper coins. Whatever they may look like: a prayer and praise song in the car, a quick devotion on your phone before you hop out of bed, a prayer in the shower.
Give Him what you’ve got. He does not turn your offering away because it’s not big enough. In fact, the smallness of it is where He finds it precious.
This time of motherhood is flat out exhausting. Please don’t misunderstand: I know the days are long, but the years are short. I honor this time in my life, but it does not take away the sun up til sundown race. Sisters, just as we know to treasure these years we’ve been given, conversely, we should not feel guilt about the tiredness that comes from them. We get to treasure! We get to be tired! We get to do both things!
Momma, it is okay. Jesus ain’t mad at you. He loves you and wants to hold your hand and help you mother your children. And even more so, He wants to take care of you, too. Truly, we find care in His Word:
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope, says Psalm 130:5.
Time in the Bible and prayer matter; let’s not neglect it. The small moments we give it are not wasted or shamed. They are treasured by our Good and Kind Jesus. The Jesus who understands the poverty of your time and stamina and sleep. The Jesus who understands motherhood better than you or I ever will.
Turn to Him and give Him what you can. Just as our precious Jesus did not turn away those two copper coins, He will not turn away your tired and weary few moments with Him.
Little Momma, your babies love you. But don’t forget, Jesus loves you more.
So let’s give him what we’ve got, even if it’s all we have left. It will be the best two copper coins you ever spent.