It’s National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know that 1 out of 8 couples struggle with infertility? Here’s what I wanted to make you aware of – no matter what “week” or “obstacle” you identify with – You are not alone.
Infertility can be a very private and personal journey and can feel very lonely unless we connect with others who are going through the same journey or who have been there, done that, and have seen the other side. This is why I choose to be open with my journey: for the sake of community and to bring glory to His name even in the desert. We were not meant to do life alone.
For my other 1 in 8s or waiters of any kind, here are 8 things that have helped me through the roller coaster that is infertility. Not waiting for a baby, but waiting for something else? I believe these 8 things might also apply to you.
1. Believing I will be a mom one way or another either through birth or adoption. Believing = hope. Although God’s time sure has been different than my own, I know I will one day be a mom. Dare to Hope.
2. Do the next right thing. Honestly, I wanted to have this all planned out. If this doesn’t work, we will do this, then this, then that etc. However, thinking too far in the future becomes quite overwhelming. I do not know the future. My husband reminds me to stay focused on the now vs thinking too hard in to the future. Although sometimes this point of view is frustrating because I would rather have a clear plan, it helps me to submit my future to the Sovereign God who goes before me. Just do the next right thing today and give the rest over.
3. Connect with other people who have been there done that!!! This by far is one of the most helpful things. That is it. Don’t know anyone? Connect with me or join a social media group of other people going through the same thing. This journey doesn’t have to be lonely.
4. Celebrate others pregnancies and babies. God created these lives. Don’t you forget that life is a miracle. Do not allow yourself to harbor jealousy, bitterness, or self-pity – that is what the devil wants you to do. Do not allow him to win this battle that the Lord has already fought and won for you. Go to the showers, rub the bellies, like the pregnancy announcements, and kiss the babies. Celebrate even when life does not seem fair. After all, we wouldn’t and shouldn’t wish infertility on anyone.
5. Do all of the celebrating and loving of your people, and then cry all the way home if you need to. Give yourself permission to cry, but do some constant self reflection. There is a fine line between sadness/disappointment and self-pity. Find yourself in a hole of self-pity, jealously, or anger? (see below)
6. Talk to God about it. Don’t stop talking to God and believing He is Good. He is. Praise Him in the pit.
7. Give grace – to yourself (there comes a point where there is not really anything you can do but submit. Give yourself the grace to do so) AND give grace to well meaning individuals – you know… the ones who suggest all the things like standing on your head, eating pineapple, and taking cold medicine. If those things worked ya’ll, I would have been pregnant years ago, but I am not. Ya’ll, these people mean well. They are trying to help you. Give them grace and bless their hearts. Then be as open as you wish about your journey with them. Spread a little awareness.
8. Do some reading. I hear once you become a mom you don’t have time for things like reading. So enjoy this “free” time. Here are some book suggestions to get you started:
Wait and See: Finding Peace in God’s Pauses and Plans by Wendy Pope – so good. Weaves in the story of David, scripture, and modern day waiting periods. Wish this book would have come around sooner.
When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson – a good reminder to keep faith no matter the circumstance.
Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I always wanted by Shannan Martin – A book about how God changed Shannan’s dream life around to one that is better. Plus Shannan adopted little ones and a big one, and they are just the cutest.
and the book of Isaiah – She Reads Truth has a study of the book of Isaiah.
If you'd like to connect with Hannah she can be reached at hannah.j.clements@gmail.com.
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